7 things i’ve learnt since going sober in my early 20’s

I never envisioned that my early 20s would be spent staying in on the weekends. In fact, after growing up watching shows like Geordie Shore, Gossip Girl Sunset and Suspicious Parents, I thought that’s what your 20s were all about. Drinking, planning for the next weekend of drinking, and then drinking again. We have to give it to the TV shows, they made it seem everyone was having the time of their lives. I couldn't wait to turn 18 because that meant I could finally experience what everyone had been talking about. And that's exactly what I did. I went out every weekend and spent hundreds of nights that quite frankly, I can barely remember. Lockdown was a particularly interesting time. On the one hand, we were all trapped inside our homes with no clubs, bars or even pubs open to visit, but on the other hand, I don’t think I’ve ever drank so much in my life. In some ways, it was freeing, but then it turned into my worst nightmare. A causal drinker.

You know, those people who have a glass of wine with dinner just because, or someone who treats themselves to a drink after a stressful day. The more I allowed, the more I became purposeless and reliant on drinking. Going out drinking didn't even excite me anymore. I loved staying in with friends with a bottle of wine or two, just to spend the following days suffering from an inescapable hangover. So, I went sober, and have been for the last 13 months. What have I learnt about myself during this time? I’ll tell you exactly what:

I’m most creative when I’m sober

Before the booze, I was a highly creative person. Whether it was drawing, photography, or simply coming up with new and outlandish ideas, I had a brain full of ideas to share. When alcohol became a part of my weekly routine, I lost that spark. Every day felt like a sluggish race to make it to the weekend, or each evening felt like an escape into a glass of wine. Since stopping drinking, I’ve rediscovered my creativity. My mind is clearer, my motivation is back, and I’ve found myself pouring my energy into things that bring me joy. Things I used to love but somehow let slip away when alcohol took centre stage. I no longer waste weekends nursing hangovers or dreading the Monday morning struggle. Instead, I wake up feeling refreshed, ready to take on the day, and excited about life again.

I no longer live for nights out

For the longest time, I thought nights out were the pinnacle of being sociable. But truthfully, they became monotonous. The same people, the same conversations, the same regret the next morning. Now, I find joy in experiences beyond drinking. I go on late-night drives, host movie marathons with my best friends, explore new hobbies and spend quality time with people who truly matter. It turns out that fun isn’t dependent on alcohol, it’s dependent on mindset.

Alcohol just temporarily hides deep-rooted stress

I used to convince myself that alcohol was a form of self-care. That I deserved a drink after a stressful day, that a night out would help me forget my worries. But all it did was delay the inevitable. Sobriety has forced me to deal with my emotions instead of numbing them. I’ve learned healthier coping mechanisms, journaling, meditating, exercising, and investing in my gut health, and I’m better for it. I even learned that chronic stress and poor gut health are connected. Who would’ve thought? Not to mention, alcohol disrupts the gut microbiome, which ultimately can make you stressed. Now, my evening treat is a kefir yogurt to nurture my gut, and not a glass of wine to quiet my mind.

It’s okay to experience your emotions

Drinking was my way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Whether it was anxiety, sadness, or stress, alcohol offered an easy escape. But sobriety has taught me that emotions aren’t something to fear. Feeling everything is what makes life real. It’s okay to be sad, to be overwhelmed, to be frustrated. Sitting with those feelings instead of drowning them has made me a more self-aware and emotionally intelligent person.

No one cares what you drink, if they do, get rid of them

At first, I worried about what people would think when I stopped drinking. Would they think I was boring? Would I lose friends? Would I feel left out? But I quickly realised that real friends don’t care what’s in your glass. And if someone does? That says more about them than it does about me. The people who matter support me and the people who made me feel like I needed to drink to fit in weren’t my friends to begin with.

You’ll be tempted some days

There are moments when I crave a drink. A celebration, a stressful day, a nostalgic memory of old times. But I remind myself why I started. I think about how much better I feel, how much I’ve grown, and how far I’ve come. The temptation passes, and I’m always grateful I didn’t give in. The longer I go, the more I realise I don’t need alcohol to enjoy life. If you need to, take yourself out of these situations if it's causing your stress. Real friends will understand, and will tailor social events to everyone's taste. 

You will feel like the best version of yourself

Since going sober, I feel more like myself than I have in years. My energy is higher, my skin is clearer, my mind is sharper, and my confidence feels far more genuine, instead of a false presentation enhanced by alcohol. I’ve learned to trust myself, to love myself, and to truly live in the moment without needing a drink to enhance the experience. And that, above all else, is what has made this journey worth it.

By Lucy Couser

Lucy is a freelance writer who finished her degree in creative writing in Manchester. She loves to talk and share her experiences with alcohol, top tips and healthier fun alternatives for the sober community. You can find her substack here!